It's been a while since I last wrote.  A while...ha, a bit of an understatement!  I got freaked out at the thought of people reading my innermost thoughts and feelings, but I need to get over being so...I don't know what the word is.  Basically I just need to let go, to be myself and be free from the chains I lock myself in.

Easier said than done, but I am working on it.

So much has happened since my last post, so I'm not even going to start writing down all the nitty gritty details.  I'm just going to start again, from today.

Today my fast starts.  I've been working so hard to beat this ED but I'm freaking out at how much weight I've put on (see, easier said than done to let myself go) but something happened yesterday that made me no longer care about working to get better.  I mean, what for?  I do want to get better, but it seems only so much.  I think it's more wanting to get rid of the feelings I'm feeling.  I don't think this makes sense, but then I don't understand this thing at all.  If I did, I suppose I wouldn't be like this.