I've been so so happy this week keeping myself busy and making sure i lose weight.  And I did, which made me so incredibly happy i felt i would burst with joy.

But now, i have no idea why, i'm just sitting here feeling worse than i have done in a long time.  It's like living a roller coaster of emotions and the drop from the high to the low is almost unbearable.

I don't know how i feel.  I guess it's just numb.  And i hate it.  I hate myself and i feel like that's never ever going to go away.  I feel so empty and alone and completely terrified.  Right now, i just want someone to hold me, and make me feel safe for a while.  But i know that the feeling i crave is transient.  'This too shall pass' is a quote always in my mind, sometimes helpful, sometimes not.

I just want someone to hold me and i may find the courage to speak the words which are so hard to find and impossible to utter aloud.  I just want someone to be with me right now.  I can't bear this any more.