Do you ever get tired?  I mean, really tired?  So tired you feel you cannot do anything, you cannot face the day, cannot face the world, or even the people you love.

On these days, I just feel like giving up.  What's the point anyway?  I try my hardest, my absolute, and yet, it is never good enough.  I feel like a failure, so I might as well just give in and carry on as I am.  But then that makes me a failure too.  I'm trapped in an ironic limbo between success and failure where I need to fail at this consuming eating disorder in order to be a success.

I'm tired of being a failure.  I'm jaded from lack of sleep due to distress over the failure that I am.  I'm knackered of never being good enough, no matter how hard I try.  I'm tired of people thinking I am not trying to change.  I'm exhausted of constantly making the effort, but to no avail.  I'm sick, and tired, of living like this.  Because it's not really living. It's just existing, lost, lacking an identity, breathing and moving, but not feeling.